When She Was Bad
"You Won't Tell anyone that I'm the Slayer, and I won't tell anyone that you're a moron." - Buffy (to Cordelia)
"Cordelia, your mouth is open. Sound is coming from it. This is never good." - Buffy
"We could grind our enemies into talcum powder with a sledge hammer, but gosh, we did that last night." - Xander (to Buffy)
Buffy: "Willow, grow up. Not everything is about kissing."
Xander: "Yeah. Some stuff is about Groping."
Cordelia: "You're really campigning for bitch of the year, aren't you?"
Buffy: "As defending champion, you nervous?"
Cordelia: "I can hold my own."
Willow:"She's possessed!"
Giles:"Possessed?"
Willow: "That's the only explanation that makes any sense. I mean, you
should've seen her last night. That wasn't Buffy."
Xander:"Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to
me? (gets looks from the others and concedes) She's possessed."
Giles"Possessed by what?"
Willow:"Aaaaa possessing thing!"
Giles:"(sarcastically) Well, that narrows it down."
Xander:"Well, you're the expert. Hey, maybe when the Master killed her
some... mystical bad guy transference thing happened."
Willow:"That's what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?"
Giles:"Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out."
Xander:"A bitca?"
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"Hello? Can we deal with my pain, please?" - Cordelia (to the slayerettes)
"Darn, I have cheerleader pratice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew you were gonna be digging up dead people sooner; I would have canceled." - Cordelia
Giles:"Grave robbing. Well, that's new. Interesting."
Buffy:"I know you meant to say 'gross and disturbing.'"
Giles:"Yes, of course. Terriable thing. Must put a stop to it .......dammit."
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Xander:"Sheila's definietly intense. That guy with her? That's the guy she can bring home to her mother."
Willow:"She was already smoking in fifth grade. Once I was lookout for her."
Xander:"Your bad to the bone."
Willow:"I'm a rebel."
"Rupurt, you have to read something that was published after 1066." Jenny (to Giles)
Principal Snyder:"This is my school. What I say goes. And I say this isn't happening."
Joyce:"Well, then I guess the dangers over."
A Parent:"I'm not waiting for them to break down the doors. I'm getting out"
Joyce:"Don't be an idiot."
Principal Snyder:"I'm begining to see a certain mother-daughter resembalance."
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"One of thses days, you have to get a growen-up car." - Buffy (to Giles)
Buffy:"I wasn't gonna use volence. I don't always use volence do I?"
Xander:"The important thing is, you believe that."
Ampata: "You are strange."
Xander: "Girls always tell me that. Right before they run away."
"The exchange-student thing has been a horrible nightmare. They don't even speak American!" - Cordelia
This part was cut from the episode's script because of length
Ampata: "He [Xander] has a way of making milk come out of my nose."
Buffy: "And that's good?"
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Willow:"I know-we could go to the Bronze, sneak in our own tea bags, and ask for hot water."
Xander:"Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you land us all in jail."
"Who needs a social life when they've got there very own hell mouth?" - Buffy
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"I don't get wild. Wild on me equals 'spaz.'" -Willow
"Buffy, love your hair. It just screams Street urchin." -Cordelia
"She couldn't have dressed up like Xena?"- Willow(on the fact Buffy turned into her costume and she picked to be a helpless lady back in the 1700's)
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"I am trying to save you! You are playing in some serious traffic here, do you understand that? Your're gonna die. And the only hope you have of surviving is to get out of this pit right now and, my God, could you have a dorkier outfit?" - Buffy (to "Diego" and the true believers)
Ford:" What's goin' on?"
Buffy is surprised and spins around to face him.
Buffy:" Um... uh, there was a, a cat. A cat here, and, um, then there
was a-another cat... and they fought. The cats. And... then they left."
Ford:"Oh. I thought you were just slaying a vampire."
Buffy:" What? Whating a what?"
Buffy: "It was terrible. I moped over you for months. Sitting in my room
listening to that Divinyls song 'I Touch Myself'."
(She realizes how what she just said could be taken and casts a nervous
look at Xander and Willow.)
Buffy:"Of course, I had no idea what it was about."
Buffy: (to Ford) "Hey, are you busy tonight? We're going to the Bronze,
it's the local club, and you have to come."
Ford:" I'd love to! But if you guys already had plans... Would I be imposing?"
Xander: " No, only in the literal sense."
Ford: " Okay, then! I, I gotta find the admissions office, (gets up) uh,
get my papers in order."
Buffy: "Well, you know what, (gets up) I'll take you there, and I'll see
you guys in French!" (takes Ford's arm)
Ford: "It was good to meet you." (they go)
Xander: (sarcastically) "This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my
friends! Jeez, doesn't she know any fat guys?"
Willow: (realizes) "Oh, that's what that song is about?!"
"Uh, Angel, if I say something you don't really wanna hear, do you promise not to bite me?" - Willow
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"Giles? Who counts tardiness as, like, the eighth deadly sin?" - Buffy
Buffy:"Xander, how do you feel about rifling through Giles personal files, see if you could shead some light?"
Xander:"I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath?."
Jenny:"Cordelia is going to meet us."
Xander:"Ooh, gang, did you hear that? A bonus day of class, plus Cordelia! Mix in a little bit of rectal surgery and it's my best day ever!"
Willow:"Our friends are in trouble. Now we have to put our heads together and get them out of it. And if you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!"
Cordelia:"We're sorry."
Xander:"We'll be good."
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"She's the gnat in my ear. The gristle in my teeth. She's the bloody thorn in my bloody side!"- Spike, (on his thoughts of Buffy)
"Principal Snyder! Great career fair, sir. Really. In fact, I'm so inspired by your leadership-I'm thinking principal school. I want to walk in your shoes. Not your actual shoes, of course. Because your a tiny person. Not tiny in the small sense, of course .... Okay. Done now." - Xander
Buffy: "You have to admit, I kinda lack in the book area. You guys are the brains. I'd only be here for moral support."
Xander: "That's not true, Buffy. You totally contribute. You go for snacks."
Willow:"You're not even a teensy-weensy bit curious about what kinda career you could have had? I mean, if you weren't already the Slayer and all."
Buffy:"Do the words 'sealed' and 'fate' ring any bells for you, Will? Why go there?"
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Willow:"Is that even possiable? I mean, two Slayers at the same time?"
Giles:"Not to my knowledge. The new Slayer is only called after the previous Slayer has died. .............Good Lord, you were dead, Buffy."
Buffy:"I was only gone for a minute"
Giles:"Clearly it dosen't matter how long you were gone. You were physically dead, thus causeing the activation of the next Slayer."
Kendra:"She ... died?"
Buffy:"Just a little."
"Maybe after this thing with Spike and the assassins is over, I could say 'Kendra, you slay, I'm going to Disneyland." - Buffy (to Willow)
Buffy:"Then why the hell did you attack me?"
Kendra:"I thought you were a vampire."
Buffy:"Ooh, a swing and a miss for the rookie."
"Back off, Pink Ranger!" - Buffy (to Kendra)
Kenda:"We can return to your watcher for orders."
Buffy:"I don't take orders. I do things my way."
Kendra:"No wonder you died."
kendra:"I study because it's required. The Slayer handbook insists on it."
Willow:"There's a Slayers handbook?"
Buffy:"Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?"
Willow:"Is there a T-shirt, too? 'Cause that would be cool."
Giles:"After meeting you, Buffy I was quite sure the handbook would be of no use in your case."
"Cause I've had it. Spike is going down. You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend." - Buffy
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"That's creepy on a level I hardly knew existed." - Xander
"Oh, Will you're supposed to use your powers for good!" - Buffy
Cordelia:"She (Buffy) is like this Superman. Shouldn't there be diffrent rules for her?"
Willow:"Sure, in a fascist society"
Cordelia:"Right! Why can't we have one of thoes?"
"Feels like home. If it's the '50's and you're a psycho." - Cordelia
Willow:"I'm sure it wasen't your fault. He started it!."
Buffy:"Yeah the defense only works in six-year-old court, Will."
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"How many of us have lost countless productive hours plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings? [Xander's hand shoots up.] That was a rhetorical question, Mr. Harris. Not a poll." - Mr. Whitmore (teacher)
Xander:"You gotta take care of the egg; it's a baby, gotta keep it safe and teach it christian values."
Willow:"My egg is Jewish."
Buffy:"Did I ask for backseat mommying?"
Joyce:"What's the matter, did your egg keep you up all night?"
Buffy:"You're killing me."
Joyce:"Waite till it starts dateing."
Joyce:"A little responsibility, Buffy that's all I ask, Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes?."
Buffy:"Saveing the world from Vampires."
Joyce:"I swear, sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head."
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"Sacred duty yadda yadda yadda." - Buffy
Oz:"Hey, did everybody just see that guy turn into dust?"
Willow:"Uh, sort of."
Xander:"Yep. Vampires are real; lot of 'em live in Sunneydale. Willow'll fill you in."
Willow:"I know it's hard to accecpt at first..."
Oz:"No actually, it explains a lot...."
"Buffy I fell a pre-birthday spanking coming on--" - Xander
"I now possess the qualities one looks for in a licenced driver." - Buffy
Giles:"The more I study the Judge, the less I like him. His touch can literally burn the humanity out of you. A true creature of evil can survive the process. No human ever has."
Xander:"So what's the problem? We send Cordy to fight this guy and we go for pizza."
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Cordelia:"And do what? Besides be afriad and die?"
Xander:"Nobodys asking you to go, Cordy. If the vampires need gromming tips, we'll give you a call."
Joyce:"So what did you do on your birthday? Did you have fun?"
Buffy:"I got older."
Spike:"Are we feeling better then?"
Drusilla:"I'm nameing all the stars."
Spike:"Can't see the stars, love. Thats the ceiling. Also it's day. "
Drusilla:"I can see them. But I've named tham all the same name, and there's a terriable confusion. I fear there may be a duel."
"My God! You people are all-- Well, I'm upset, and I can't think of a mean word right now, but that's what you are, and were going to the factory!" - Willow
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Willow:"Don't forget, you're suppost to be a meek little girlie-girl like the rest of us."
Buffy:"Spoil my fun."
Giles:"Let's not jump to any conclusions."
Buffy:"I didn't jump. I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were."
"I think you splashed on just a little too much 'Obsession for Dorks.'" - Cordelia (to Xander)
Buffy:"So what's the scuttlebutt? Anybody besides Larry fit our werewolf profile?"
Willow:"There is one name that keeps getting spit out. Agressive behavoir, run-ins with the 'authorities', about a screenfull of volient incidents."
Buffy:"Okay, most of thoes weren't my fault. Someboard else started this. I was just standing up for myself."
"On behalf of my gender: Hey!" - Xander
"You're talking obedience school, paper training. Oz would be burying all their stuff in the backyard. And that kind of breed can turn on it's owner." - Xander
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"That's it. This has gotta stop. It's time for me to act like a man. And hide." - Xander
Giles:"I can't believe you'd be fool enough to do something like this."
Xander:"Oh, no. I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this."
"I was on the phone all night, listening to Willow cry about you. I don't know exactally what happened, but I was left with a very strong urge to hit you." - Oz (to Xander, after he punches him)
Buffy:"Slaying is a tad more perilous that dateing."
Xander:"Obiviously, you're not dateing Cordelia."
"My boyfriends in the band!" - Willow
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Xander:"Hel-lo! Excuse me, but have you ever heard of knocking?"
Student:"We're suppost to get some books on Stalin. For a report."
Xander:"Does this look like a Barnes & Noble?"
Giles:"Xander! This is the school library."
Xander:"Since when?"
"I swear men can be such jerks sometimes ... dead or alive" - Willow (refering to Angel and Xander)
Willow:"...that they had....they had... you know ....Uh, you do know, right?."
Giles:"Oh, yes. Sorry."
Willow:"Oh, good. Because I just realized you being a librarian and all, maybe you didn't know."
Giles:"So, apparently, Angel has decided to step up his harrasment of you."
Cordelia:"By sneaking into her room at night and leaving stuff? Why not just slash her throat or strangle her in her sleep or cut out her heart? ..... What? I'm trying to help."
Willow:[nailing crosses around her french doors},"I'm going to have a hard time explaning this to my dad."
Buffy:"You really think this'll bother him?"
Willow:"Ira Rosenberg's only daughter nailing crucifixes to her bedroom wall? I have to go to Xanders just to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas every year."
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Xander:"You don't know how to kill this thing."
Buffy:"I thought I might try volience."
Xander:"Solid call."
Willow:"Oh, I'm good with medical stuff. Xander and I used to play doctor all the time."
Xander:"No, she being literal. She used to have these medical volumes and diagonose me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong."
"Man, Buffy my whole life just flashed before my eyes. I've got to get me a life." - Xander
Cordelia:"Nobody told me I was suppost to bring a gift. I was out of the loop on gifts.."
Giles:"Well it's common among ... people."
"Half the school is out with the flu. It's a serious deal, Buffy. We're worried about how gross you look." - Cordelia (of course)
Buffy:"Homework."
Willow:"It's my way of saying, 'Get well soon.'"
Buffy:"You know, chocolate says that even better."
Willow:"I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name."
Buffy:(awestruck)"Chocolate means nothing to me."
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Willow:"Everything seems normal. Not a snake, not a wasp."
Cordelia:"Yep. School can open again tormarrow."
Xander:"Explain to me again how that's a good thing."
Cordelia:"I'm drawing a blank ---."
"I defined something? Accurately? Check me out. [he slams a book on the table shut.] Guess I'm done with the book learning." - Xander
"Sorry I pretty much repress anything math related." - Buffy
"Yeah but if I see a floating pipe and a smokeing jacket, he's dropped." - Xander
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Coach Marin:"You've got quite an imagnation, missy."
Buffy:"Right now I'm imagining you in jail .....You're wearing a big orange suit and -- oh, look! The guards are beating you!"
"We need to find the rest of the swim team and lock them up before they get in touch with there inner halibut." - Buffy
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Kendra:"Here in case the curse does not succeed ... This is my luckey stake. I have killed many vampires with it. I call it Mr. Pointy."
Buffy:"You named your stake."
Kendra:(embarrassed)"yes."
Buffy:"Remind me to get you a stuffed animal."
Merrick:"There isn't much time.You must come with me. Your destiny awaits"
Buffy:"I don't have a destiny. I'm destiny free. Really."
Angel:"I want to learn from you."
Whistler:"Okay."
Angel:"But I don't want to dress like you."
Buffy:"I'll fight [Angel]. If O have to, I'll kill him. But if I lose or I don't find him intime .... Willow might be our only hope."
Willow:"I don't want to be out only hope. I crumble under pressure. Lets have another hope."
"Almost 65 percent of that was actual compliment. [To Cordy] Is that a personal best?" - Xander
Williow:"This means I can't help you study for finals."
Buffy:"I'll wing it. Of course, if we go to hell by then, I won't have to take them. [Sudden fear] Or maybe I'll be takeing them forever........"
Buffy:"We'd better get back. i haven't even started studying for finals."
Xander:"Oh, yeah, finals. Why didn't you let me die?"
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"I've lost friends tonight, and I may lose more. If you have information worth hearing then I am greatful for it. If you want to make jokes then I will pull out your rib cage and wear it as a hat." - Buffy (to spike)
Spike:"What your mum dosen't know?"
Joyce:"Know what?"
Buffy:"That, uh, that I'm in a rock band .... Yes, a rock band with Spike here."
Spike:"Right she plays the ...... triangle."
Buffy:"Drums."
Spike:"Drums, yeah she's hell on the old skins, ya know."
Joyce:"And what do you do?"
Spike:"Well, I sing."
"Cavalry's here; cavalry's a frightened guy with a rock, but it's here." - Xander
Snyder:"In case you didn't notice, the police in sunneydale are deeply stupid. It doesn't matter, anyway. Whatever they find, you've proved too much of a liability for this school...... These moments you want to savor. You wish time would stop so you can live them over and over again. You're expelled."
Buffy:"You never ever got a single date when you were in highschool, did you?"
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