Anne
"You don't hide! You're bait! Go act baity." - Xander (to Cordelia)
"Well, we try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement. Don't get killed." - Willow
Buffy: "Hey, Ken. Wanna see my impression of Gandhi?" [Ken looks blearily at her. She swings the club down on his head with horrible force. We hear a wet sound that comes from inside his head. Lily comes up to her, wide eyes on the corpse of Ken]
Lily: "Gandhi?"
Buffy: "Well, you know...if he was really pissed off."
"He didn't meet anybody over the summer, did he? No, who's he gonna meet in Sunnydale besides monsters and stuff; then again, he's always kind of attracted to monsters...... How's my hair?." - Cordelia
Willow: "I wonder what's she's doing right now?"
Xander: "Oh, I know what she's doing. Gabbing to all her friends about her pasionate affair with Pedro the cabana boy and laughing about me thinking she might still have feelings for me." [Off Willow's look] "It's possible you were talking about Buffy."
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"I tried to communicate with the spirit world and I wasn't ready for that. It was like being pulled apart inside. Plus I blew the power for our whole block. Big scare." - Willow
Cordelia:"Time out, Xand. I mean put yourself in Buffy's shoes for a minute. I'm Buffy --Freak of nature, right? Naturally, I pick a freak for a boyfriend. Then he's Mister Killing Spree, which is pretty much my fault, and--"
Buffy:"Cordy, get out of my shoes!"
"Unbelievable ... [as Joyce] do you like my mask? Isn't it pretty? It raises the dead! [himself ] Americans!" - Giles
Buffy:"Yeah, I just got in a few hours ago. Went to see Mom first."
Giles:"Of course. And how did you find her?"
Buffy:"I pretty much remembered the address."
Oz:"Hey, so, you're not wanted for murder anymore."
Buffy:"Oh, good. That was such a drag."
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Willow:"Maybe we shouldn't be too couply around Buffy."
Cordelia:"Oh, you mean 'cause how the only guy that ever liked her turned into a vicious killer and had to be put down like a dog?"
Xander:"Can she cram complex issues into a nutshell or what?"
Faith:"-- it was about a hundred and eighteen degrees, I'm sleepin' without a stitch on, suddenly I hear all this screamin'. I go tearin' outside -- stark nude -- this church bus has broke down and three vamps are feasting on half the Baptists in South Boston. So I waste the vamps and the preacher is hugging me like there's no tomorrow when the cops pull up. They arrested us both."
Xander:"Wow. They should film that story and show it every Christmas."
"I don't think so. He just needed to see you. Have you ever noticed when he is mad but too english to say anything, he makes that weird 'cluck cluck' sound with his tongue --" - Willow
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"Great. Now I'm going to be stuck with serious thoughts all day." - Cordelia
Xander:"No worries. I can handle Oz the fully monty. [quickly] I mean -- not handle, handle -- like 'hands to flesh' handle."
Willow:"It's not you I'm worried about. It's me. I'm still getting used to half monty."
"Oz, does not eat people. It's more, werewolf play. You know -- I bat you around a little bit. Like a cat toy. I have harmless wolf fun. Is it Oz's fault that, you know, side effect, people get cut to ribbons and maybe then he takes a little nibble and I'm not helping, am I?" - Xander
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** The following exchange was cut due to length** :
Buffy:"Okay, how 'bout ... you vote for me and I don't beat the living crap out of you."
Jonathan:"That works good for me."
Buffy:"Tell your friends!"
Buffy:"Do you really love Xander?"
Cordelia:"Well, he just ... grows on you, like a Chia Pet."
"It's a clothes, fluke, and that's what it is, and there'll be no more fluking." - Xander (after he and Willow kiss for the first time)
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"I don't get this. The candy's supposed to make you all inmature and stuff, but I ate a ton and I don't feel any dif -- never mind" -Xander
"Kiss rocks? Why would anyone want to kiss -- ? Oh, wait. I get it." -Willow
Joyce:"Buffy, what would I do with forty choclate bars? "
Buffy:"You could give them out at the gallery. Buy something Pre-Colombian, get a free cavity. "
"You're My Slayer. Knock thoes teeth down his throat!"- Giles, acting like a teen
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"Can we kill her?" - Buffy (talking about Mrs. Post)
Mrs. Post:" You telegraph punches, leave blind sides open, and, for a school-night slaying, you both take entirely too much time. Which one of you is faith?"
Faith:"Depends. Who the hell are you?"
Buffy:"Let me guess. Gwendolyn Post, not a watcher."
Giles:"Yes, she was. She was kicked out by the council two years ago for misuses of dark power. They swear there was a memo."
"He saved me from a horrible flamey death. That sort of makes me like him again." - Willow (talking about angel)
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"It's just pathetic. You're not even a loser anymore. You're a shell of a loser." - Buffy
Buffy:"She saw these scores and her head spun around and exploded."
Giles:"I've been on the hellmouth too long. That was metaphorical, yes?"
"Was Willow messing with her magic tricks again? Maybe they dissapeared. Maybe she turned Xander into something ishy!" - Cordelia
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"Okay, this world sucks because some dead ditz made a wish? I just want to be clear."- Larry
"Your logic does not resemble our earth-logic." - Buffy
"Is this a 'get in my pants' thing? You Sunnydale guys all talk like I'm the second coming." - Buffy
"And I wish Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. And Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair." - Cordelia
"Cordelia wished for something? If it was for a long and healthy life, I think she should get her money back." - Oz
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Xander:"We know underground, there's a start..."
Buffy:"In a town with fourteen million square miles of sewer --"
Xander:"Plus a lot of natural cave formations and a gateway to hell, yeah ... This does resemble square one."
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"I don't know about you, but I'm going to go trade my cow in for some beans. no one else is seeing the funny here?" - Xander
Willow:"I worship beelzebub! I do his bidding! Do you see any goats around? No! Because I sacrificed them! All bow before SATAN!"
Mrs. Rosenberg:"Willow, Please. I'm not listening to this."
Willow:"Prince of Night, I summon you! Come fill me with your black, naughty evil!"
Giles:"This isn't over."
Principal Snyder:"Oh, I'd say it's just begining. Fight it if you want -- just remember : lift a finger against me, and you'll have to answer to MOO."
Buffy:"Answer to MOO? Did that sentence make some sense that I'm just not in on?"
Principal Snyder:"Mothers Opposed to the Occult. A powerful new group."
Buffy:"And who came up with that lame name?"
Principal Snyder:"That would be the founder. I believe you call her 'mom.'"
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"I saw Snoopy on Ice once when I was little. My dad took me backstage and I got scared and threw up on woodstock." - Willow
Angel:"I saw you called. It was a bright afternoon, out in front of your school, you walked down the steps and I loved you."
Buffy:"Why?"
Angel:"Because I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see and I worried that would be bruised or torn. More than anything in my life I wanted ot keep it safe, to warm it with my own."
Buffy:"That's beautiful..... Or, taken literally, incredibly gross."
Angel:"I was just thinking that too."
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Cordelia:"Oh, look, it's Mister Excitement. On another life-or-death doughnut mission? Or are we crusing for bimbos again? Giving them lessions in lack of cool."
Cordelia:"What?."
Cordelia:"What?"
Cordelia:"WHAT!?"
Faith:"She got me really wound up. A fight like that and no kill, I'm about ready to pop."
Xander:"Really? Pop?"
Faith:"You up for it?. "
Xander:"Oh, I'm up. I'm suddenly very up. It's just, um, I've never been up with people ... before...."
Faith:"Just relax. And take your pants off."
Xander:"Thoes two concepts are antithetical."
Faith:"Don't worry. I'll steer you 'round the curves."
Xander:"Did I mention that I'm having a very strange night?"
"I can't believe I just had Sex." - Xander
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"The count of three isn't a plan. It's Sesame Street." - Buffy
"The comedy stylings of Miss Cordelia Chase, everybody. Who incidentally won't be needing a higher education when she can just market her own very successful line of hooker wear." - Xander
Wesley:"Are you perhaps not used to being given orders?"
Buffy:"Whenever Giles sends me on a mission, he always says please. And afterwards, he gives me a cookie."
Wesley:"I don't feel like we're getting off on quite the right foot -- Ah! This is perhaps Faith?"
Faith:"New Watcher?"
Giles/Buffy:"New Watcher."
Faith:"Screw that." [turns and walks out]
Buffy:"Now, why didn't I say that?"
"I won't waste the perfect comeback on you, but don't think I don't have it. Oh, yes, its time will come." - Xander (to cordy)
"I hate it when they drown me." - Buffy
Cop:"Now spread 'em!"
Faith:"You wish."
Cop:"Hands in the air where I can see 'em. Slow. Good. Cuff 'em."
Faith:"I like him." [Gives the cop a big sexy wink] "He's butch."
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"Check out Giles, the next generation. What's your deal?" - Cordelia
"Oh, Buffy! Don't cry! I'm sorry. I was too hard on you. Sometimes I unleash, I don't know my own strength. It's bad. I'm bad. I'm a bad, bad, bad person!" -Willow
Wesley: "My. She is cheeky, isn't she?"
Faith: "Uh, first word: jail; second word: bait."
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Willow:"Old Reliable? Yeah, great! There's a sexy nickname."
Buffy:"Oh, Will, I didn't mean..."
Willow:"No, it's fine. I'm Old Reliable."
Xander:"She just meant, you know, the geyser. You're like a geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals."
Willow:"That's Old Faithful."
Xander:"Isn't that the dog that the guy had to shoot....."
Willow:"That's Old Yeller."
Buffy:"Xander, I beg you not to help me."
Buffy:"It was you, Willow, in every detail. Except for your not being dominatrix .... as far as we know."
Willow:"Oh, right. Me and Oz play Mistress of Pain every night. Please."
Xander:"Did anyone else just goto a scary visual place?"
"It's horrible. That's me as a vampire? I mean, I'm so evil and skanky [softly to Buffy] and I think I'm kind of gay." - Willow
Anya:"Give me a beer."
Waiter:"I.D."
Waiter:"I.D."
Anya:"I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just give me a friggin' BEER!"
Waiter:"I.D."
Anya:"Give me a Coke."
"I'm just so tired of being around humans and all their baggage, I don't care if I ever get my power back. I think he should eat you." - Anya (To Willow)
"Say you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs did you?" -Willow (To Buffy, Xander, and Giles)
Willow: "That wasen't just some temporal fold, that was some weird hell place. I don't think your telling me everything."
Anya: "I swear I am just trying to find my necklace!"
Willow: " Well did you try looking inside the sofa in hell?!"
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"Oh, it's good to be back in Sunydale. Nice climate, plenty to eat, no tortured humanity to hold me down...." - Angel
Buffy:"I'm just sorry to get you worked up like that. We can't do any of that stuff; you'd loose your soul, and besides, I don't even own a kimono."
Angel:"Buffy, you don't have to worry about me."
Buffy:"I just don't like to rub your nose in it..... Suddenly wondering where that phrase comes from..."
Buffy:"You're right. Faith would never do that."
Willow: "Faith would totally do that. Faith was built to do that. She's the 'do that' girl!"
"Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still beating heart of a virgin? No one has standards anymore..." -Giles
"Yes. I feel so much better knowing that he broke my face in a good way. It's a good bruise" -Xander
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"What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help! Four times five is thirty. Five times six is thirty-two. Naked girls. Naked women. Naked Buffy. Oh, stop me!" - Xander (thinking)
Buffy: "Sure, we can work out after school. You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my mother!"
Giles: (walking into a tree)"Ungh!"
Willow: "What are you doing Buffy?"
Buffy: "Nothing...checking for horns."
"Hi Mr. Beach. I was just wondering, were you planning on killing a bunch of people tomorrow. Oh, it’s for the yearbook." - Cordelia
Buffy:"You had sex with Giles! You had sex with Giles!"
Joyce: "It was the candy. We were teenagers."
Buffy: "On the hood of a police car!?"
Joyce: "I’ll be downstairs. You feel better."
Buffy: "Twice!"
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Buffy: "You never take me any place new."
Angel: "What about that fire demon nest in the cave by the beach? I thought that was a nice change of pace."
"You! All of you. Why couldn't you be dealing drugs like normal people?" - Principal Snyder
Snyder: "Okay, what's in the bag?"
Student: "My lunch."
Snyder: "Is that the new drug lingo?"
Student: "No, it's my lunch."
Snyder: "Sit up straight. "
"So Faith was like, "I'm gonna beat you up," and I'm all, "I'm not afraid of you." And then she had the knife, which was less fun." - Willow
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Anya: "Look, I know you find me attractive; I've seen you looking at my breasts."
Xander: "Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open."
"For God's sake, man, she's eighteen. And you have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. Just have at it, would you? And stop fluttering about." - Giles
Buffy: "I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it."
Xander: "Yay?"
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Giles: "Faith has you at a disadvantage, Buffy."
Buffy: "'Cause I'm not crazy, or 'cause I don't kill people?"
Giles: "Both, actually."
Cordelia: "What's her saga?"
Xander: "She's freaking."
Cordelia: "About what?"
Xander: "The Mayor's gonna kill us all during graduation."
Cordelia: "Oh. Are you gonna go to fifth period?"
Xander: "I'm thinking I might skip it."
Cordelia: "Yeah, me too. "
Anya: "Men like sports. I'm sure of it."
Xander: "Yes. Men like sports. Men watch the action movie, they eat of the beef, and they enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand years of avenging our wrongs, and that's all you've learned?"
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Giles: "There is a certain dramatic irony attached to all this. A synchronicity that borders on predestination, one might say."
Buffy: "Fire bad. Tree pretty."
Oz: "Any change?"
Willow: "He’s delirious. He thought I was Buffy."
Oz: "You too, huh?"
Buffy: "My God. He’s gonna do the entire speech."
Willow: "Man, just ascend already."
Buffy: "Evil."
Oz: "Guys. Take a moment to deal with all this. We survived."
Buffy: "It was a hell of a battle."
Oz: "Not the battle. High school."
"If someone could just wake me when it’s time to go to college, that’d be great." - Buffy
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